The Rules
A prospective member of The Goalden League, henceforth refered to as The League, can only be admitted to The League if they can reasonably be described as being friends with every O.G. member in The League. Any member joining through this method is automatically granted O.G. member status. It should be noted that any individual, being friends with all O.G. members of The League can be considered as having the right to join The League. No O.G. member can block admission in this case.
There are only 2 exceptions to this rule. Unanimous Consent and The Boyfriend Clause.
Members joining through Unanimous Consent are granted automatic O.G. status. Members joining through The Boyfriend Clause are granted S.O. status.
Unanimous Consent refers to agreement held by all O.G. League members. It is achieved through a simple up and down vote. Votes are always anonymous.
The Boyfriend Clause allows an individual having regular coitus with an existing member of The League to join said League. It applies only if the sweaty coitus has been going on for no less than 100 days. The sexual activity can have taken place periodically over the 100 day period. Godlike, marathon slamming is not required. Homosexual sex qualifies and lesbian sex is encouraged.
Any member joining The League through the Boyfriend Clause is henceforth refered to as an S.O. member.
In the event of a break-up, Unanimous Consent is required to keep an S.O. member in The League. This is to provide the scorned O.G. member the opportunity lash out in righteous anger at their former lover. If the scorned League member decides to turn the other cheek, and the rest of The League decides to keep the sloppy seconds, the S.O. member is upgraded to O.G. member status.
There is not, and there never will be, an entry fee to play in The League. If members would like to engage in a betting pool they are free to do so in their own capacity and according to whatever rules the they agree on.
Since The League is filled with a variety of argumentative, whiny little bitches, a purely democratic system of governance would fail to deliver the kind of decisive action required by a modern meta-football organization. For it's own good, a Benevolent Dictator for Life (hereto refered to as BDFL) will serve to break all deadlock and bleach all grey areas within the rules.
That glorious leader, that titan of men, that swinging sack of brass and shaft of steel is...
Peter Armin Bodechtel.
Long may he rule.
In the event that the BDFL is overthrown through violent revolt, the crown will transfer to the right honorable comrade from Bothasig, Dene Mcleod.
Prize Giving takes place every year on the weekend prior to the start of the English Premier League season. All members of The League are expected to attend, S.O. member or otherwise. Prize giving will involve some alchohol related penalties based on impartial statistics gathered from the previous season. Members who do not drink alchohol are exempt unless a suitable substitute is determined on a case by case basis. Always drink responsibly. Don't drink and drive.
Only current members of The League, or new inductees to The League are elligible to attend prize giving.
Every year the BDFL will serve as the prize giving referee. Before prize giving the BDFL will appoint an assistant and two linesmen to assist with affitation. This appointment will be carried out via The League whatsapp group on a first come first serve basis. The day before the message goes out the BDFL will warn the league that the message will be delivered, also via The League whatsapp group.
Anyone living outside the country who recieves a Trophy will have it held in trust within the Republic of South Africa.
The winner of The Losers Trophy is required to recieve a special punishment at Prize Giving. The punishment consists of drinking a large shot of creamy liquor pored over the thick, veiny shaft of the Losers Trophy so as to simulate a large, jet-black penis ejaculating a full, hot load of salty cum into their gaping mouths. If some of the semen analog falls outside the mouth and onto the face, chest or hair, The League will deem this acceptable. Failure to accept this punishment will result in a ban from The League until such time as the punishment is taken at an official Prize Giving. Anyone living outside the country who recieves The Losers Trophy will be required to take their punishment within 48 hours of re-entering the Republic of South Africa in full view of as many League members as possible.